Tuesday, April 24, 2012

JOKES

DESSINS ANIMES ( DISNEY )







Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!”






TUBES MARTINE ( LIVRE )










The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.


After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”


After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”




TUBES MARTINE ( LIVRE )







“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.

“Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.

“No.” replied the boy.

“I’m the principal’s daughter.” said the girl.

“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.

“No,” she replied.

“Thank goodness!” said the boy with a sign of relief.






MARTINE ( LIVRE )







Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?

George replied: I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.





MARTINE ( LIVRE )






The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”




Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”





TUBES MARTINE ( LIVRE )





A man is talking to God.
The man: God, how long is a million years?
God: To me, it’s about a minute.
The man: God, how much is a million dollars?
God: To me it’s a penny.
The man: God, may I have a penny?
God: Wait a minute.













Two factory workers are talking.


Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.


Man: And how would you do that?


Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.


Boss comes in: What are you doing?


Woman: I’m a light bulb.


Boss: You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.




The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?


The man says: I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.





DESSINS ANIMES ( DISNEY )









Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?


Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.







DESSINS ANIMES ( DISNEY )






Teacher: Here is a math problem. If your dad earned $300 dollars a week and he gave your mother half, what should he have?

Student: A heart attack.
















Teacher: This essay on your dog is, word for word, the same as your brother’s.

Student: Yes, sir, it is the same dog.










TEACHER: Who is your favorite author?

PUPIL: George Washington.

TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.

PUPIL: You got it.




DESSINS ANIMES ( DISNEY )
















Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round.

Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !




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